Category: My stories

How Not To Cry Over Spilt Tomatoes

I was having one of those days where everything just feels off.  I couldn’t get into the groove of my day and a discomfort was growing in the pit of my stomach.

I decided that a healthy meal would help.  So I started sautéing some broccoli and mushrooms and thought pesto might go nicely with those.  So I started to rearrange items on the top shelf in the fridge in the general area where I remembered seeing the pesto last. Just as I spotted the small jar I was searching for, I realized that I pushed an open can (I have one of those nifty can openers that leaves no sharp edges and allows me to put the lid back on.) of diced tomatoes a little too close to the edge of the shelf.

I know you know what comes next.  It almost seems like slow motion: the can tipping, lid coming off, me not being able to catch it in time or in the right way. Now I have tomatoes all over the inside of the refrigerator door, on the kitchen floor, and most disturbingly, all over the containers of condiments and the gallon of milk in the door.

After the brief moment of denial wore off, a really sad, sick feeling floods my body.  I’m almost wanting to cry.  Spilt milk is one thing, but diced tomatoes?!

Here’s where I decided to try something new.  I focused on the physical feeling I was having instead of my thoughts.  I could actually feel the sensation moving and changing.  The desire to cry went away immediately.  I could breathe easily and felt almost pleasant. I finished cooking my meal.  I sat down and thoroughly enjoyed the veggies with some penne drizzled with olive oil. Consequently, I had forgotten all about the pesto.

It was a fascinating experience, one you may have to try for yourself to really understand, I suppose.  But I couldn’t help myself from analyzing it afterward.  It occurred to me, that in the past, the tears that would usually come weren’t about the mess I would have to clean up, like I previously assumed.  The tears were a response to the faint voice in my head telling me what an idiot I am for spilling a can of tomatoes in so many ways in and around my refrigerator.  “You should have been more careful.”   “What were you thinking?”  “You idiot!”  This is the voice of shame.

You may be thinking, “Who talked to you like this?”  But, you know what, it doesn’t really matter.  It’s my voice now and I can take responsibility for it.   It even brings up a bit of shame in me to even tell you about it.  According to one of my heroes, Brene Brown, sharing shame takes it away.  I’m pretty sure we all have it, with a different string of admonitions in response to a different set of circumstances. And not acknowledging the voice, and separating from it, gives it room to stay safe and sound, perfectly in place ready to give each of us a hard time the next time we make a mistake.  So give yourself a break and bypass the litany of derogatory remarks and drama. Let the feeling wash over you, too.  Know that you are not alone. It’ll be much quieter between your ears and you’ll be able to clean up the mess much faster afterward, literally and figuratively. And even get to enjoy your dinner.

Do What You Need To Do Not What You Should Do

I was recently watching a Youtube video from one of my favorite authors. She was describing how she does her research. She tends to engage, have conversations, take notes, roll around in it, as it were. Once she is finished, she holes herself away.  She stops talking to people. She skips her exercise routine.  She all but stops meditating. I found myself really relating to this idea and a light went off in my head. “That’s it!”, I thought. “That’s what would make me more successful: stopping all else, focusing, then getting ‘er done.”

So I began doing little else in the week leading up to creating this blog. I spent hours researching my platform choices, comparing costs, postponing my daily time on the treadmill. And I was getting things done. However, I felt a growing tightness in my shoulders. I started getting headaches on and off over the span of a couple of days. Even though I loved the idea of what I could create and was excited about the expansive feeling I get when I create something and share it, it was all starting to make me miserable. Finally, it got to be too much.   I thought, “Okay, an exercise break really is in order.” But even the thought of pushing myself to get on the treadmill felt like more pressure coming down on me.

So instead I decided to take a nap. I headed for my microsuede Euro-styled all-in-one modern futon and got into my preferred napping position.  On my side, with my favorite Indian pillow under my head I pulled a quilt over me and let the cat curl up behind my knees. I drifted off quickly, but not for long as I heard my phone dinging telling me either I had a text or was supposed to remember to do something. But before that I had successfully fallen asleep and dissolved all that tension. I decided to stay curled up for a minute or two just fully appreciating how good a nap can feel. Being warm and under the covers on a grey snowy January day in the Midwest. Now I was ready for the treadmill and the computer. I was back, energized, centered and happy to be alive, getting ready to do something good and actually feel good in the process. Before I made it into the workout room I realized, ” Hey, I don’t need to copy someone else to be successful. I just need to do what I think is next and what I feel is right. I headed upstairs and I finished my workout.  Then I sat down at my computer, created my blog and wrote this post. The fact is when I take the time to get clear and ask myself that important question, “What’s next?” I already know what to do and the order in which to do it. And so do you.