How Not To Cry Over Spilt Tomatoes

I was having one of those days where everything just feels off.  I couldn’t get into the groove of my day and a discomfort was growing in the pit of my stomach.

I decided that a healthy meal would help.  So I started sautéing some broccoli and mushrooms and thought pesto might go nicely with those.  So I started to rearrange items on the top shelf in the fridge in the general area where I remembered seeing the pesto last. Just as I spotted the small jar I was searching for, I realized that I pushed an open can (I have one of those nifty can openers that leaves no sharp edges and allows me to put the lid back on.) of diced tomatoes a little too close to the edge of the shelf.

I know you know what comes next.  It almost seems like slow motion: the can tipping, lid coming off, me not being able to catch it in time or in the right way. Now I have tomatoes all over the inside of the refrigerator door, on the kitchen floor, and most disturbingly, all over the containers of condiments and the gallon of milk in the door.

After the brief moment of denial wore off, a really sad, sick feeling floods my body.  I’m almost wanting to cry.  Spilt milk is one thing, but diced tomatoes?!

Here’s where I decided to try something new.  I focused on the physical feeling I was having instead of my thoughts.  I could actually feel the sensation moving and changing.  The desire to cry went away immediately.  I could breathe easily and felt almost pleasant. I finished cooking my meal.  I sat down and thoroughly enjoyed the veggies with some penne drizzled with olive oil. Consequently, I had forgotten all about the pesto.

It was a fascinating experience, one you may have to try for yourself to really understand, I suppose.  But I couldn’t help myself from analyzing it afterward.  It occurred to me, that in the past, the tears that would usually come weren’t about the mess I would have to clean up, like I previously assumed.  The tears were a response to the faint voice in my head telling me what an idiot I am for spilling a can of tomatoes in so many ways in and around my refrigerator.  “You should have been more careful.”   “What were you thinking?”  “You idiot!”  This is the voice of shame.

You may be thinking, “Who talked to you like this?”  But, you know what, it doesn’t really matter.  It’s my voice now and I can take responsibility for it.   It even brings up a bit of shame in me to even tell you about it.  According to one of my heroes, Brene Brown, sharing shame takes it away.  I’m pretty sure we all have it, with a different string of admonitions in response to a different set of circumstances. And not acknowledging the voice, and separating from it, gives it room to stay safe and sound, perfectly in place ready to give each of us a hard time the next time we make a mistake.  So give yourself a break and bypass the litany of derogatory remarks and drama. Let the feeling wash over you, too.  Know that you are not alone. It’ll be much quieter between your ears and you’ll be able to clean up the mess much faster afterward, literally and figuratively. And even get to enjoy your dinner.

A Friend’s Smile

Today I’m grateful for:

  • Being clear
  • delicious new food ideas
  • learning to take responsibility vs blame
  • a friend’s smile
  • the sound of finches and chickadees in the dead of winter

The Two Biggest Myths About Action

Taking action has always terrified me. I hate making phone calls to my bank when I have noticed a mistake on my statement. I don’t even feel so great about calling to make a hair appointment. I can even be really bad about washing that final pan that just needs to soak for a bit.

So you can imagine how hard it might have been for me to start a blog and publish my first post on it.  If you thought that it might be paralyzing and that I would resist with all my might, you would be right.  I had read that it is always better to get a post done, even if it isn’t perfect.  I can always go back and edit it later.  This idea didn’t help me at all, since the fear is all about what you are going to think when you read it.  More specifically what you are going to think of me.  If it’s no good, well, there you go, I’m no good.

I cheated.  I wrote and published it, but didn’t let anyone know.  No chance for judgment.

I discovered some interesting things in the process.  I was still scared every time I went back to edit that first post.  I think I have made three edits so far.  Each time I hit the Publish button I felt a little sick inside.  It didn’t feel good until after I was done.

Myth number one:

Courage to create something and share it takes overcoming your fear.  

Anytime you share your creative work, you will probably still be afraid.  (If you aren’t, well, that is a topic for another post.) It’s just that no one admits how scared they are.  Not famous artists, not actors, not authors, no one I know of.  Okay, maybe Brene Brown.  (whom I love btw) It makes sense that for so many years as I have watched and admired creative people sharing their work, I assumed that because they had successfully shared, that it was easy for them.  Or had become easy for them. I’m guessing more often than not, I was wrong.

I also discovered these blog posts aren’t going to enter themselves. Action is critical to accomplishment, but not how I imagined. I have always thought about action as pushing through and forcing something. Probably I was always working on the wrong things.  Taking the steps to start this blog, write the posts didn’t feel hard at all once I started.

Myth Number Two:

Action is necessary but it is hard and requires force.

There is something I am defining as appropriate action that, albeit scary at times, flows naturally from us.  When I quiet my thoughts and let that my appropriate action bubble to the surface, the result is fantastic.  I mean that more literally.  I don’t mean that the result is really good, although it might be, I am saying that the amount of work that gets accomplished using this less than forceful method will seem like a fantasy.  Let it work for you, too.

Do What You Need To Do Not What You Should Do

I was recently watching a Youtube video from one of my favorite authors. She was describing how she does her research. She tends to engage, have conversations, take notes, roll around in it, as it were. Once she is finished, she holes herself away.  She stops talking to people. She skips her exercise routine.  She all but stops meditating. I found myself really relating to this idea and a light went off in my head. “That’s it!”, I thought. “That’s what would make me more successful: stopping all else, focusing, then getting ‘er done.”

So I began doing little else in the week leading up to creating this blog. I spent hours researching my platform choices, comparing costs, postponing my daily time on the treadmill. And I was getting things done. However, I felt a growing tightness in my shoulders. I started getting headaches on and off over the span of a couple of days. Even though I loved the idea of what I could create and was excited about the expansive feeling I get when I create something and share it, it was all starting to make me miserable. Finally, it got to be too much.   I thought, “Okay, an exercise break really is in order.” But even the thought of pushing myself to get on the treadmill felt like more pressure coming down on me.

So instead I decided to take a nap. I headed for my microsuede Euro-styled all-in-one modern futon and got into my preferred napping position.  On my side, with my favorite Indian pillow under my head I pulled a quilt over me and let the cat curl up behind my knees. I drifted off quickly, but not for long as I heard my phone dinging telling me either I had a text or was supposed to remember to do something. But before that I had successfully fallen asleep and dissolved all that tension. I decided to stay curled up for a minute or two just fully appreciating how good a nap can feel. Being warm and under the covers on a grey snowy January day in the Midwest. Now I was ready for the treadmill and the computer. I was back, energized, centered and happy to be alive, getting ready to do something good and actually feel good in the process. Before I made it into the workout room I realized, ” Hey, I don’t need to copy someone else to be successful. I just need to do what I think is next and what I feel is right. I headed upstairs and I finished my workout.  Then I sat down at my computer, created my blog and wrote this post. The fact is when I take the time to get clear and ask myself that important question, “What’s next?” I already know what to do and the order in which to do it. And so do you.

What’s Next?

I was recently watching a Youtube video from one of my favorite authors. She was describing how she does her research. She tends to engage, have conversations, take notes, roll around in it, as it were. Once she is finished, she holes herself away.  She stops talking to people. She skips her exercise routine.  She all but stops meditating. I found myself really relating to this idea and a light went off in my head. “That’s it!”, I thought. “That’s what would make me a successful author: stopping all else, focusing, getting ‘er done.”

So I began doing little else in the week leading up to creating this blog. I spent hours researching my platform choices, comparing costs, postponing my daily time on the treadmill. And I was getting things done. However, I felt a growing tightness in my shoulders. I started getting headaches on and off over the span of a couple of days. Even though I loved the idea of what I could create and was excited about the expansive feeling I get when I create something and share it, it was all starting to make me miserable. Finally, it got to be too much.   I thought, “Okay, an exercise break really is in order.” But even the thought of pushing myself to get on the treadmill felt like more pressure coming down on me.

So instead I decided to take a nap. I headed for my microsuede Euro-styled all-in-one modern futon and got into my preferred napping position.  On my side, with my favorite Indian pillow under my head I pulled a quilt over me and let the cat curl up behind my knees. I drifted off quickly, but not for long as I heard my phone dinging telling me either I had a text or was supposed to remember to do something. But I had successfully fallen asleep and dissolved all that tension. I decided to stay curled up for a minute or two just fully appreciating how good a nap can feel. Being warm and under the covers on a grey snowy January day in the Midwest. Now I was ready for the treadmill and the computer. I was back, energized, centered and happy to be alive, getting ready to do something good and actually feel good in the process. Before I made it into the workout room I realized, ” Hey, I don’t need to copy someone else to be successful. I just need to do what I think is next and what I feel is right. I headed upstairs and I finished my workout.  Then I sat down at my computer, created my blog and wrote this post. The fact is when I take the time to get clear and ask myself that important question, “What’s next?” I already know what to do and the order in which to do it. And so do you.

January 17

Today I’m grateful for:

4wd
Our heat wave
Having something to contribute
friends with tools
kaleidoscopes

December 23

Today I’m grateful for:

the whispy peach pink clouds against the pale blue dawn
comfortably cleaning out the car in December!
the winding road of my life
seeing where I’ve made a difference
planning a decadent breakfast with family

Firefly Is The Best

Today I’m grateful for:

a husband who likes Firefly
the taste of my special cranberry cookies
all the money I am saving on heating this December
the creative projects I am close to finishing
the smell of pine

Green Tea

Today I’m grateful for:

All the little conveniences I have that many people around the world don’t
A family that I like to spend time with
The power to choose
The way fog makes some colors seem brighter.
Steaming hot green tea